Facebook Note: 2011-07-13T20:54:10

Legos… Parents know Legos… Oh yes, they can tell you in great detail about Legos. Spaceships, pirate ships, trees, little human thingies, tiny building blocks of wondrous creation. Pyramids, guns, castles and little 4 A.M. caltrop of pain creations. We know Legos. The other day my 6 yr old comes to me and says, “Daddy, my ear hurts.” I look at him and notice his ear is red and angry looking. Many people would think, “Oh, he has an earache! The poor dear!” But not this parent, oh no. Using my patented Daddy Sense© I immediately ask him, “Did you put something in your ear?” He nods solemnly. Ah. Yes, Daddy has feared this moment for many years. One red flashlight and a small pair of tweezers later the diagnoses is a tiny Lego roughly the size of an atom is lodged in my son’s ear. That and my son is firmly convinced small tweezers aren’t small enough. So, after exhausting many alternative options( I was lobbying for using a can of compressed air), off to the Dr. we go. For you prospective parents out there it is imperative to understand that Doctors love Legos. They just adore those multi-colored plastic pieces of pain, er, fun. Follow the money trail back far enough you will find every practitioner has retirement stock in Lego. Trust me on this. Twenty minutes in the Emergency Room, a cup of decaff coffee(Decaff!!!), five forms to fill out, including one in English asking if we would like one in Spanish(oh the irony) my intrepid little one gets to see Dr. Hot Tub. Now, his name wasn’t actually Dr. Hot Tub, but I hear he has a new one, now. Dr. HT gets right to work. Proving my suspicions correct, his tweezers are much smaller than mine. Score one for Dad. 10 seconds later, Dr. HT is whistling to himself as he happily returns the errant Lego to its rightful owner and out the door he strolls. I notice on the back of one of the magazines in the waiting room is an advertisement for the new Lego Harry Potter set. Yes, these doctors have no scruples, no compassion. Hippocrates has no place in the modern day of Sallie Mae and her 100K loansharking. So now I can tell you all about the new Lego. The latest, gotta have it, Lego. So exclusive you buy it piece by piece, slowly paying off vacation houses the medical world over. Yes folks, I give you the $267.00 Lego. Somewhere out there is a Dr. slipping $50 to the stocking manager at Wal-Mart to make sure they put the Lego display up front near the doors. Parents, you have been warned.

By Dan Granot

I chose the Shorter Whitman because of his work, "Song of Myself" and because of my self-deprecating sense of humor. I am under no illusion that I can write successful essays or poetry, but I have been known to write them anyway.

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